I've spent a lot of time in thought lately; coming to terms with abuse and healing. What it all means for me and this behaviour at large. I think I've found an answer.
I feel like I’m on the verge of overheating, fire, and explosion. I get this recurrent thought that if I verge into this short circuit, I will forever be lost there. Like a death sentence or lifetime of insanity. I will explode if I feel out this short circuit.
The more I practice my healing, the more I change my perception of Self, divinity, and soothing. It's not some hierarchal, omnipotent place of achievement.
Peace is scary as f*ck to a traumatized person. How I am slowly finding it after trauma.
The face of me in a CPTSD flare up. Bulging eyes, tense face, exhausted. I’m stuck in terror. I'm slowly learning how to ride these flashbacks.
Lying in the lake as the forest fire smoke surrounds me. A moment of grief.
We are meant to feel the rush of survival after an attack and then resume to living but we freeze instead. Why?
My go-to when I'm in the grip of horror.
"I must escape myself." "It's the only way I'll be ok."
Trauma suppress life. Healing brings it back. And it's scary at first. But we can learn to ride the waves and find ourselves again. A blog by Laura Rose.