When all else fails…
And I’m in the grip of horror…
I practice these things:
Utter surrender and acceptance of the situation. I will lie still and watch my body and mind do it’s thing. When I feel resistance to fight/flight/freeze, I watch that too and just feel the ground beneath me as I let things flow. I practice over and over complete surrender to myself. The state will change eventually, even for a few moments, my body and mind comes to calm. I let my them pendulate. I let every thought, emotion, sensation pendulate over and over.
I will run to whoever is available (and able) and cling for help. I will ask and ask and let them hold me, soothe me, until I feel my body settle enough to just be. I will let them reassure me and I will try my hardest to stop fighting it. I will accept help. I will let myself not be alone.
I will throw a temper tantrum. I will give that trapped energy a voice and wail to my hearts content. I will throw things, punch things, scream, rock back and forth. I will do whatever my body needs to do to move that energy. Then I will let exhaustion take over after cause there is no more fight left and I will settle into the aftermath.
I will walk. I will move around the house. I will get out of stillness and into actions that break the freeze. Then I will contemplate what is really going on when I feel my higher brain kick in. If I can’t do that, I just move until my body has had enough. Then I rest.
I will take something to ease the suffering. An herb, a supplement, tea, homeopathy, medication, food, whatever my intuition (as best as it works in this state) feels is best for me at that moment. Then I practice letting go of the shame over and over until I’m ok with needing help in the form of resources.
I will embrace myself in a sensory experience. A shower, bath, weighted blanket, a beautiful view, sounds of music or water, walk barefoot in the grass, sun on my skin, whatever hits me with an experience that takes me out of freeze and into the present moment. I let it wash over me and feel the effects on my body. I focus on that over and over again.
I ride that fear or anger or grief until it washes away. No matter how uncomfortable it is, I say “better out than in” and keep going until it’s out. When it is. I appreciate that this layer is no longer in my body. I use that to show myself in the future that we can do it.
I sit and stare at myself or just ask myself over and over, “what do I need?” “What do I want at this very moment?” Then I do it. Doing it feels good. I sink into the good. I enjoy it.
I let myself catastrophize. Resisting it makes it worse. I let my mind go to the edges of my scary thoughts and watch them come and go. I tell myself over and over that my body was made to heal and regulate. My mind will want to stop it but my body is stronger if I let it. Ten times more neurons go to the brain from the body than the other way around. I sink into that knowledge and let my body find its homeostasis. The catastrophic thinking is a by product of trapped freeze. Let’s not continue to trap it by stopping the thoughts. Watch them come and go. I settle into all the knowledge I learned from research that the body will do whatever it needs to survive and catastrophic thinking never really comes true forever.
I will practice these over and over. I pretty much always find relief.
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